Thinking Beyond Science

The fact that people in later life have many stigmatizing attitudes toward older people and, therefore, toward ourselves should come as no surprise since ageist attitudes are so deep and strong, unconscious, and prevalent in our society. Much like other social subgroups, we internalize the ageist view so that many of us no longer expect, or are expected, to lead useful, productive, creative lives. This ageism can be every bit as debilitating as a disease.

By coming to terms with our ageism, we can learn to approve of ourselves, accept ourselves, and even love ourselves as older people. We can begin to see that the consequences of ageist attitudes and actions make older people feel more insecure, more uncertain, more ashamed, and less human. But we can feel worthy and worthwhile, not despite our age, but because of it— because of who we are as older people. Overcoming ageism brings that positive regard for ourselves, which makes it easier to challenge ageism wherever it rears its ugly head.

To rise to the challenges that come in later life, older people need strong sources of motivation. High motivation gives us the energy we need to pursue our goals in the face of ageism, loss, and illness. Motivation is the inspiration to act—an urge that generates effort and focused action. It is the push to try, to assert one-self, counteracting unwillingness, resistance, weariness, inertia, fear, and anxiety.

Some of us have a nearly endless supply of energy accompanying our high motivation. For others, the ability to keep on keeping on is unreliable: sometimes it’s there, sometimes it isn’t. Still others of us have a hard time mustering any motivation and are in a constant struggle to find meaning in what we are doing. For motivation and its accompanying energy to be present, flowing, and contin-uous, we must believe in the value of what we are doing.

Regardless of our usual level of motivation, we all have in us a vitality, a life energy, an urge to act, to live, and to feel some passion about others and the world. It is a force that can overcome resistance to doing those things we somehow find difficult or impossible to do. But our life energy may be locked in, just waiting to be liberated. It may be pushing to get out. But it’s up to us to tap into that source of life energy within us. It’s up to us to find ways to let it out, get it out, evoke it, coax it.

Much of what we always took for granted physically we can no longer assume. Much is harder to do, and the older we get, the harder it is. It’s harder to see and hear, harder to walk, breathe, get moving, and keep moving. It’s harder to stay awake, to concentrate, to keep warm, to remember what I just did, and to recognize people and know who they are. It’s more difficult to fall asleep at night, to sleep deeply, and to get up in the morning. It’s not as easy to find my way through once-familiar streets, to deal with complexity, and to stay alert. And it’s more trying to put up with nonsense and destructiveness.

Many of us struggle to strike the right balance between our desire for aloneness and our desire for relationships. If we are dissatisfied when one or the other predomi-nates, we can make the effort to right the balance and, in doing so, find the equilibrium that is “right” for us.

Being alone and feeling alone are, at least to some extent, intrinsic parts of being human, and all but inevitable in modern society. As we age and are removed from many of the people and situations that were a part of our life, aloneness becomes even more of an issue.

Others may impose our aloneness on us. Friends and family may have abandoned, avoided, or withdrawn from us because we were too difficult or demanding. Or people close to us may have moved away to a distant city, so that we rarely see them. We may have suffered the death of friends and family and are alone because these intimates cannot be replaced and we have yet to fill the void they left in our lives. Some choose aloneness.

Some of this alone time is rich and fruitful and leaves us feeling buoyant. Some is painful and unwanted and leaves us feeling empty. In the latter case, it behooves us to find ways to come to terms with our aloneness and learn to deal with it positively. This may mean discovering ways to turn unwanted loneliness into serene solitude. And sometimes, it means finding ways to be less alone and more connected to others. Either way, learning to make the most of our alone time empowers us and helps us feel more in control of our lives.

Source : The Wisdom of Morrie: Living and Aging Creatively and Joyfully by Morrie Schwartz, Rob Schwartz (Editor)

Goodreads : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/83704042-the-wisdom-of-morrie