Thinking Beyond Science

Adolescence is often described as the storm before the calm—a time of rebellion, confusion, and yearning. During those restless years, parents worry that their children no longer listen. Yet beneath that silence lies an unspoken hunger: a desire to feel loved, seen, and reassured by Mum and Dad. It is in this silent longing that the roots of the adult self begin to take shape.

In adulthood, the patterns learned in childhood—recordings of past experiences—continue to play, sometimes loudly. Many find ways to overcome their inner conflicts without professional help. They manage life’s demands despite the echo of those old voices. Yet for some, these patterns become crippling. Guilt repeats like a refrain, failure feels inevitable, and emotional paralysis manifests even in the body. A mother may feel unable to nurture, a worker loses focus, a student gives up, or one’s inner distress drives them to defy the law.

For such individuals, treatment becomes essential—not to fix what is broken, but to rediscover what is whole.

The Inner Dialogue of the Psyche
In therapy, the Adult, Parent, and Child—as described in transactional analysis—enter into a profound dialogue. Even when the Adult self takes the first brave step to seek help, it is often the Child who speaks in the therapist’s office. The Child brings feelings of hope, fear, and the desire to be understood, creating an echo of early life dynamics.

Psychiatrists call this transference. It arises when feelings from the past are projected onto present relationships—the patient’s Child meeting the therapist’s Parent. This interaction is not a hindrance, but a mirror. It allows buried emotions to surface and be seen in the light of reason.

Healing, psychoanalysts say, occurs when the patient no longer projects these old emotions onto authority figures. At that stage, the individual no longer fears judgment or withholds truth—the resistance dissolves. What emerges is authentic connection with reality—a state of being rather than pretending.

Reality as the Ground of Healing
Reality, in this sense, is not merely what we can touch or verify. It is a broader awareness shaped by reading, reflection, and lived experience. Each person’s reality differs according to how deeply they have looked into life’s patterns. To heal is to expand that reality—to step beyond the narrow borders of personal experience and into a shared human understanding.

True reality is also moral. Through awareness of human history and empathy for others, we construct values that keep us grounded. Yet the greatest transformation begins not from willpower or moral pursuit but from something subtler—grace.

When Grace Strikes
Grace is not belief, nor moral progress, nor discipline. It is not earned through good deeds or self-sufficiency. Grace, in its quiet power, visits us when we reach the limits of what we can manage alone.

It strikes us when life feels empty and meaningless.
It strikes when we recognize our separation from others or the harm we have caused.
It strikes when our own indifference and inner weakness grow intolerable.

Grace does not demand perfection—it asks for surrender. In moments of great pain and restlessness, when every strategy fails, grace opens a silent doorway into acceptance and renewal. It reconnects the Child and the Adult within us, not as enemies, but as parts of the same whole.

Source : I am OK-you are OK by Thomas A. Harris

Goodreads : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/150265240-i-am-ok-you-are-ok

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